It’s 4.12 A.M. alredy… ‘sacrifice’ ??

Hurm…

Why ‘sacrifice’? why not something else??

Are u feeling burden or what?

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“I really2 do but you never ever hold me tight”

~ Aya Kamiki – MISEKAKE no I Love U

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Honestly, today I really2 cant sleep. The ceramah just now (finished around 11 pm) really give me something. I started to think about the thing dat I never imagine before. Why am I so lame?? Is it rite to “being urself” ? I still have my faith. I still have my religion. But then, why all this things at this time? Why such a thing make my head so miserable???

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One by one enters my mind. Everything that was a ‘was’ is in front of my eyes rite now. This and that. They keep pushing each other to be on my mind. I juz count them, one by one by my tears along with my trembling heart. So stupid act. Coz I feel like nothing change….

It has been a long time since all this happen to me. I try to live like I was. But still, my heart juz cant. My mind juz cant. Why did I end up like this??? I know why, but my mind still so stupid. My feeling was so stupid. Coz i juz let that pass… go with time.

I know, and I realize, I’m not such a perfect person. Even I’m trying to be one but still, the loser at the end is me. Am I a loser?? I used to think like that. Yes, I do lost my confidence once. But after some time, I make up my mind. Even I’m juz a human, even I’m not perfect, and even i’m a loser there’s nothing wrong to give some else a chance. Nothing is wrong with that rite??

BUT, why I’m so miserable rite now?? why?

I’m not strong enough, not anymore. I already over my limit. Will anybody understand me? No, they juz cant, coz I’m the only one own this heart….

ps: will ‘you’ ever know me?? i know, u juz cant coz u really2 tired from being so caring…before.